I, (state your name), proclaim to be a SHOE DIVA and pledge to follow the rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

• I PROMISE to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. The sides and tops of my feet will not protrude out between the strap. This type of protrusion has been and always will be referred to as “bread-a-rising.” Keep bread only in the oven.

• I WILL go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I promise not to tape my toenail onto my toe if it should fall off either.
  

• I WILL shave the hairs off my big toe. If they are long enough to braid, they are too long! Don’t embrace your “butchness” or becoming one with Mother Earth.

• If a strap breaks, I WON’T duct-tape, staple, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. A shoe cobbler can be on speed dial.

• I WILL NOT wear toe rings.  Hello, the eighties are calling and they want their toe rings back. And for the good of mankind, I will make a sizeable donation to my charity of choice for every toe ring I currently wear.

• I WILL NOT say words like corns, hammertoes or bunions. I understand these are not sexy words and will not get me a date or a phone call.These are words that should remain unspoken at all times.

• I PROMISE if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. Scraping your feet on the floor is not going to grab a significant other.

• I PROMISE to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear…nothing is worse than dirty white sandals. WHITE is in, just not dirty white. Replace those with miles with new ones.